Ever notice how we sometimes tend to “think our emotions” rather than just “feel our emotions”.
When we react to something in our environment, there’s a 90-second chemical process that happens in our body.
After that, any remaining emotional response is just us CHOOSING to STAY in that emotional state.
Wait, what?
For all these years, I have been remaining sad and angry and disappointed and guilty BY CHOICE?
Yep!
Basically, our emotional triggers send our bodies into high stimulation.
But here’s the kicker – For these chemicals to be TOTALLY flushed out our body takes LESS THAN 90 SECONDS!
YES, ONLY A MINUTE-AND-A-HALF!
After that, all lingering emotions are us choosing to feel them. So, after 90-seconds, if you still feel fear, anger, or any other emotion, it’s not your physiology fuelling it…
It’s your THOUGHTS re-stimulating the chemical process.
It is when we INTERFERE with the natural emotional cycle (with our overthinking and the need to act on that emotion) –
That it ends up sticking for WAY LONGER than 90 seconds. It’s because we DWELL on it and jump to take action, rather than simply sitting with the feeling.
But here’s the silver lining: By recognizing our 90-second windows, we can learn to observe our emotions without getting caught up in them!
Instead of rushing to take ACTION or SUPPRESS the feelings, we can use this time to reflect and understand what our emotions are trying to tell us.
Here’s what you can do to gain control over your 90-second cycle –
1) Identify your red flags:
- Delve into your triggers even before the 90-second clock even begins ticking.
- Identify the people, situations, times, or places that spark negative emotions for you, whether it’s a person, a certain time of day, an activity, or even a particular song.
- Take ownership of your triggers. Be mindful of them as you move through your day.
2) Identify your physiological reactions:
- Each emotion triggers a distinct physiological response. Take a moment to observe and acknowledge these bodily reactions.
- For instance, anger may manifest as a clenched jaw, and tense muscles, while happiness can be experienced as a sense of inner lightness, relaxed muscles, and steady breathing.
- Tune into your body regularly. When overcome by an emotion, ask yourself: ‘What do I feel in my body?’ or ‘What do I notice?’.
3) Label the emotion:
- What we can name, we can work with.
- Identify the emotion in a word.
- Work to improve your emotional vocabulary – instead of being just “pissed off”, perhaps you are annoyed, frustrated, impatient, or furious? Instead of being “not okay“, maybe you are feeling sad, disappointed, or neglected?
- Utilize emotion wheels available online to understand distinct emotions.
4) Accept the Emotion:
- Instead of trying to manipulate or judge them, let your feelings flow naturally.
- Adopt the role of a curious observer within yourself, acknowledging and accepting your emotions as they arise.
- Exercise control when necessary, ensuring that your emotions don’t overpower you.
Remember: Emotions are rarely ever a “Call for Action”, they are mostly just a “Call for Reflection”.
